Faith Hope Love

Mom should have been out of the hospital and home  much sooner than this.  Still now in a sort of half-way medical facility (somewhere between the hospital and extended rehab) she has gone from breaking her hip to several different infections.  The infections are not the cause of her injury.  No, these are things she contracted while in the hospital and/or rehab.  She has gone through a horrible infection called “C-Diff”, several UTIs and now pneumonia for the second time.  The pain and suffering that mom has endured the past several months is unbelievable.  When talking to her she sounds like someone who is really trying to keep it together but just cannot take it anymore.  Hope seems like a distant memory to her. 

All of my life I have heard her talk about how one should do everything they can to preserve their life.  Being she is Catholic, the mother I know believes it is a great sin to “opt-out” and that to do so means spending your afterlife in eternal suffering.  In other words, not to do everything you can to keep yourself alive (regardless of the circumstances) is the equivalent of suicide.  

However, lately mom has been saying things that are not like her.  Instead of going through some awful operation that would leave her without dignity, she is talking about letting it end.  I have heard about elderly people who just decide enough is enough and they stop eating and just let themselves go.  I ask her where is her faith?

I am at my wit’s end.  To make a person suffer just to stay alive is cruel.  Yet, this is my mother.  I love her dearly and do not want to lose her.   Yet seeing her suffer is a nightmare.  

This experience tells me that in certain situations some people really do not know what they would do – even if it means going beyond their religious beliefs.  Who would have guessed she would even think such things?  Not me.  We are extremely close.  I have not lost my hope that she will come out of this alright .  Nor have I lost my faith in God if he plans otherwise.

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