In Memorium – Carmella Helen DeCarlo

                                                        My Mother – My Best Friend
          Describing watching my mother die as being a painful and traumatic experience is definitely an understatement.
          She was so sick this past year that it should not have been such a shock when she passed but I do not think one is ever truly prepared for it. She suffered so much that I would ask God every night that if He was going to take her, to please do it soon to end her suffering.   Also, I asked Him for something else, to please let me be there when her soul took flight so she would not be alone.
          On May 30, 2012, I was on the couch next her hospital bed we had brought into my home for her. I fell asleep, woke up, looked at the clock and it said 1:28 a.m. I went over to her, took her hand and maybe not a minute or two later as I stood there telling her how much I loved her, she took her last breathe. Some would call that a coincidence but not me. Someone or something woke me just before she died so I could be right there. God gave me, and her, what we wanted – for mom to stop suffering. He granted my request to be with her when her soul departed. Yet, I still feel so miserable.
          Mom was the most loving, caring and unselfish person I knew.   My “go to” person. You could trust her 100% to be there for you and she always put others before herself. That was one of her “faults.” She was just too nice if there is such a thing.
          I can remember being a teenager going to shop for clothes or just going to a movie, we would just laugh at the silliest things. I am so grateful we spent so much time together. I knew then and now even more how lucky I was to have such a mom.
          She was my best friend and there is a hole in my heart and a void in my life that is crushing to my spirit. This is the downside of having such a wonderful person in your life that you love so much. When they leave, it just makes it even more unbearable.
          Nothing will ever be the same.
          Thank you, God, for the time I had with such a person – my mother.
         And thank you, Mom, for being there for me – always.  I miss you so much.
         I love you.

Faith Hope Love

Mom should have been out of the hospital and home  much sooner than this.  Still now in a sort of half-way medical facility (somewhere between the hospital and extended rehab) she has gone from breaking her hip to several different infections.  The infections are not the cause of her injury.  No, these are things she contracted while in the hospital and/or rehab.  She has gone through a horrible infection called “C-Diff”, several UTIs and now pneumonia for the second time.  The pain and suffering that mom has endured the past several months is unbelievable.  When talking to her she sounds like someone who is really trying to keep it together but just cannot take it anymore.  Hope seems like a distant memory to her. 

All of my life I have heard her talk about how one should do everything they can to preserve their life.  Being she is Catholic, the mother I know believes it is a great sin to “opt-out” and that to do so means spending your afterlife in eternal suffering.  In other words, not to do everything you can to keep yourself alive (regardless of the circumstances) is the equivalent of suicide.  

However, lately mom has been saying things that are not like her.  Instead of going through some awful operation that would leave her without dignity, she is talking about letting it end.  I have heard about elderly people who just decide enough is enough and they stop eating and just let themselves go.  I ask her where is her faith?

I am at my wit’s end.  To make a person suffer just to stay alive is cruel.  Yet, this is my mother.  I love her dearly and do not want to lose her.   Yet seeing her suffer is a nightmare.  

This experience tells me that in certain situations some people really do not know what they would do – even if it means going beyond their religious beliefs.  Who would have guessed she would even think such things?  Not me.  We are extremely close.  I have not lost my hope that she will come out of this alright .  Nor have I lost my faith in God if he plans otherwise.

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